Her Presence Brings Me Comfort
by Cant.Resist
Summary: His head ached the moment he laid eyes on her. Her golden eyes, her dark hair, and her painted lips ran circles through his mind. He knew this woman, he had remembered seeing her at his former…home. (A couple part series about some of HYDRA's more tragic experiments)
1. Part I

She could feel the uneasiness in her bones, she was being watched. Not paranoia. Years of being observed she could literally feel the eyes on someone watching longer than a few moments.

If they were an immediate threat, she would be dead.

No, _they wanted something from her._

Her resolve quickly crumbled the moment she was in false privacy of her apartment. She knew they could be listening, but at least her humiliation could be suffered in the confines of her pseudo home.

He watched her lament for days; when she believed she was in the closed confines of her unequipped loft. She muttered in soft tones while trying to blink away fat tears. A part of him wanted to reach out and wipe them away for her.

It made him angry. WHY? Why did he want to comfort her? What was she to him? The flutter images confused him. _Soft skin. Monitors. Remarks from other HYDRA personnel._

 _The despondent look in her eyes, the satisfied release in her body. Flushed cheeks and wet tears._

Did she know what was to come? Why does he remember the flesh beneath her clothes?

* * *

By the fifth day she began to devise a plan. If they wouldn't stop their surveillance, then she was going to smoke them out. She thought she was free of HYDRA. With Baron von Strucker dead she had believed she had been safe. He was one of the last HYDRA cells to know of her location and involvement. Today, she stepped onto the busy pavement with purpose. She had a surprise for them, she patted her pocket.

He noticed the slight movement, it had to be a blade he surmised. She was aware of his presence.

She smiled at the host, removing her large hat with such delicacy. Her hair was coifed to one side, giving him access to her slim neck. _It would be easy enough to slit if she decided to struggle._ He shook his head, the soldier's thoughts were filtering through. He was man, not a soldier. He was not on a mission, he was not sent here to kill her.

Her steps were careful, but directed, she had directed the waiter to seat near the back, towards the corner of the restaurant. Perhaps to keep view of her surroundings- but, she sat opposite where he thought.

As time lingered on he admired what he observed of her appearance. Her jewelry was singular, very tasteful. Small gold pendants from her ears and a simple gold chain. Her eyes rimmed with coal, her lips painted puce. She reminded him of a girl from the 40's. Her beauty was timeless.

It was attracting various men, none of which, was who she was waiting on. Something deep within simmered with irritation, a beautiful woman should never be made to wait. And so shouldn't he, watching her wait made his stomach rumble with hunger. It had been days since he had ate anything other than meager protein bars.

The crisp crunch of romaine lettuce, the succulent taste of the marinated meat on her plate. A cooked meal sounded like a melody for his disciplined stomach. By the time she had cut into her main entrée, his agitation grew exponentially. Who was she meeting? Why is the other seat still _EMPTY_?

The soldier began assessing the situation.

 _The restaurant had 3 exits. Minimal security cameras, focused on manager office and delivery door in the back._

 _The waiters and host were little threat, none showed to have training or hidden tactile strength._

 _She sat alone. She felt secure in the crowd she was in._

No, he reasoned.

 _She left the open corner for her mysterious companion. A show of submission in order for the companion to have a relatively well view of the entire room._

 _An enticing offer to approach._

But who was she waiting for?

After taking 45 minutes to painstakingly eat her meal at a snail's pace, the chair across from her finally scrapped across the floor.

She lifted her gaze only to meet unabashed horror. Her fork clinked against her plate, _of all the people to approach her… she couldn't, she didn't._ Her lungs deflated as her chest clenched in fear.

 ** _The Winter Soldier_**


	2. Part II

After all this, she **had** recognized him. The soldier was pleased at her startled reaction. The trembling of her lips, the slight intake of air stuck in her throat.

She had been caught off guard by his presence, had she truly expected someone else in him place?

Of course, there was factions of Hydra cells throughout the world. Cut off one head, two more in its place. His blue eyes flickered back to watery honey pools in front of him. An uncomfortable dryness wheezed through his chest, he always hated seeing a dame cry.

He went to wipe the tear escaping with his right hand, while the soldier flexed her middle finger expertly in a painful position with his left. During his distraction her other hand left eyesight, beneath the table. _Fool_ , the soldier whispered.

"The knife." He ruffed. With the no nonsense in his tone and the tenseness in his posture, she decided it wasn't worth it. She whimpered, but slid the slim blade towards him obediently. She knew not to scream, she knew not to make a scene.

 _What did HYDRA do to her?_

 **One, two, three.** Footsteps approaching from behind her, the waiter looking at him suspiciously.

Her whimpers quieted and in their place, a welcoming smile.

"Is there anything wrong here?" The waiter inquired, eyeing the new guest with equal measures of scrutiny and interest. The girl with Oscar worthy performance, turned without missing a beat, pearly whites dazzling the man. Her eyes gleaming with the brilliance of something bountiful and unyielding.

"Far from it." The previously concerning tears, now seemingly inviting and scrupulous. "My boyfriend proposed." Bucky huffed in surprise, while the soldier praised the girl's ingenuity. Besides a hidden knife, she had planned a well-crafted distraction. A diamond ring was sparkling in her free hand, a testament to her earlier statement. Highly visible, attention seeking lie in a crowd area. Certainly impressive, and annoying. His surveillance during the week prior only had entitled him to her loud wailing, not strategic planning.

"Oh," the waiter's voice wavered, his vocal chords straining as if disappointed, "Congratulations to the happy couple."

"Yes," Bucky nodded, staring into those golden eyes of mystery once more. "Very happy."

* * *

It was gamble the moment she left the building with him. No direction, no idea, no guidance of what was to happen next. She had made it this far, for this long, with the Winter Soldier tailing her.

There was glaring gaps and limits about her knowledge of Barnes, other than he was dangerous and wanted her for gods know what.

But she noticed something, besides dragging her when her speed did little to accommodate him. With keys extracted from her pocket, getting ready to open her front down, he checks the corridors for exits. Blue eyes shifting back and searching, calculating. Murmuring terse words in Russian, posture tense until plans of evaluation was complete.

He sat her down roughly on her sofa, quickly scoping out her loft, shuttling blinds, closing doors, and blocking routes leaving her living room. He dragged one of the stools towards her, the legs scrapping across the laminate floor.

She chewed on her lips in anticipation, lipstick smearing on her teeth. A small ruin in her appearance, a moment to reflect the anxiety lingering beneath. She was aggravated by his presence, and it wasn't by the Winter Soldier directly…no. It was something else, information only she could provide him with.

"The engagement, a nice touch." She laughed nervously. She had thought so as well, she had had a feeling whoever was to approach her was going to be male. Her heart beating wildly against her chest. _What did he want?_

 _How could she-why did she have to look at him that way?_ It was terrible enough to see her fear and pleasure in his mind's eye, but to be breathing it in at its foundation. It was overwhelming, a sensory overload.

His interested gaze was unnerving and his poor attempt at conversation filled her with trepidation. What did he track her down for? What did he want with her? The coolness of his vibranium hand broke her running thoughts. Her fretful golden eyes stared silently into the depths of his steely blue. He broke the silence once more.

 **"How do I know you?"**


	3. Part III

So, there it was, the question to end all questions. She could feel her heart crumble once more at the thought. She shook her head gently, he didn't want to know the answers he sought for.

The refusal had been expected, but very disapproving. He hadn't spent all this time to come up empty handed. He pushed further. He held her face tenderly between his fingers.

"What is your name?" Her lips trembled, she disagreed once again. "Please," his voice softly persisted, "what is your name?" His thumbs flexed, wiping her crystal tears. Her heartbeat was pulsing and her breath whistling passed her teeth in short, ragged pants as she whimpered. She was worried of his reaction.

They stared at one another for several moments in silence. He so desperately wanted to press a comforting kiss to her lovely lips.

 _Weak,_ the soldier spat.

His eyes closed, trying to banish the soldier's comments. He wasn't weak. But he wasn't the emotionless void that HYDRA had brow beaten him to be. He was more th-

"I don't know." She confessed. His eyes opened suddenly once more. "I had a number assigned for as long as I remember." _55C._ _ **Test subject 55C.**_ She was a number, not a person. "But _Strucker_ ," she added, her voice laced with hostility and odium, "had taken a liking to calling me by another." Besides the other daily favorites, _my darling and HYDRA's whore._

 ** _Tessa._** Somewhere whispered inside his head. Tessa was the name they would tease and degrade her with. _Poor little Tessa._ She would be shoved harshly to her knees. The copper smell filling the air as her legs scraped across the mortar floor. _Pull her hair soldier, I want the whore to see whom is taking her._ The sharp angle her neck would make when yanking her head back. The laughter of the others watching, the grunts he would make when he took her from behind. Disgustingly so, like an animal in a zoo, for all to view.

Of the times he could remember, they would leave her spoiled body in his cell overnight. The first time, she laid in heap where she had been dropped. Those honey pool eyes were redder than he had had ever seen.

One of the last times he saw her, she had kept her distance. She cleaned all traces of him from her skin. Once she began beating on her lower stomach, the door lurched open. The gleam of silver outstretched in their hands. They were going to restrain her. Her fists flung wildly.

The betrayal in her features when he stifled her movements with blank indifference. Harming the handlers was punishable offense. _There will be consequences Tessa._

Then there was pain. **_Excruciating pain._** A smash of glass. A thunder of overturned table. The puff of dust from the broken drywall.

"Stop. Please stop!" She begged, terrified of his destruction. He paused in his tirade, anger clouding his gaze of her. It was maddening to see her staring at him. He didn't, he hadn't- _stop looking at me!_

In less than a second, his hand was clenching her slim neck. _Squeeze the life from her,_ urged the soldier.

"Who are you?!" He screamed in a rage. The blood was thumping in her ears as the gears flexed in his arm and his grip tighten. _Witness the light dimming in her precious eyes._

"I was test subject 55c, I housed in several Hydra facilities, Gehenna, Ichor, and Nemesis to name a few. I was part of-"

"How do I know you?!" Bucky shouted again, he no longer could trust what memories he did have. Her face was turning blue. He dropped her, gasping hard. Her dark hair was obstructing his view, he swiped it over, and her flinching, thinking he was going to end her that way. His cerulean eyes staring at her at depth.

"Mission report soldier." He nearly spit, it stirred the same unsavory feelings saying those words as hearing them did to him. Her gaze grew narrow, focus, steady on his own face. It was unnerving to see such golden eyes process him solely. Something about her was scratching through the back of his mind, twisting, pulling, trying to claw its way to the surface.

"Assignment 7792-76788. Directed under orders from Alexander Pierce and his predecessors. Carried out by Hydra scientists and former SHIELD intelligence." Her voice was mirthless, unfeeling-to the perceptive less. A quiver of emotion was hiding behind her front. Pain. He had caused her immense pain. He could see it in her eyes, hear in her voice, feel it...feel it in his bones.

"Every time the Winter Soldier was dispatched, a team was sent to his-your housing in Siberia." The chill, the frost would build up in his goggles. He could recall the heaviness in his walk as the bitter wind whistled passed him.

 **"I remember the snow, and ice."**


	4. Part IV

I just couldn't get this right... ahhh...

* * *

"I was a part of group that was regularly tested..." her voice trailed off. She licked her dry lips, while trying to continue. She lacked the confidence she had thought she had before. Being so close to him brought and array of intimacy that she wasn't sure how to proceed with. Was it the closeness or the fear? "We-I were there to maintain the comfort-ah- ease the attention of the men. And I was yours."

 _Tests._

There were so many performed over the years. The soldier was analyzing her hesitance, while he searched through his thoughts. After missions, he would remember her being thrown into his vicinity, but that he thought was a caveat.

 _Endurance._

HYDRA had him running, as fast and hard as he could. Much like a lab rat, his record was 10 hours... before he collapsed. _With Tessa_ , his record was much, much more.

 _Stamina._

They would push his limits every time he was thawed. He would be informed of his mission and complete it with little rest or sustenance. The intense training _, the long drown out sessions with Tessa with agents present._ His blue eyes connected with amber of hers, _she had had his attention._

 ** _How in control was the man behind the soldier?_**

It was as if the light dawned on him, not as the sun barely peeking over the hillside, but rather blazing down in a horrendous drought.

She was always brought after a certain series of tests. Tests that proved what?

"You came when I was injured beyond conventional repair." He pinched the wrinkled skin between his brow. What was she used for? What...WHAT?

 _They kept the clipboards in their grip. Timer to mark the time intervals,_ the soldier reminded him _._ The act wasn't a prize…but it was another test. There was a reason why he could remember the fearful look in her eyes, he- he had taken her against her will more times than he could remember. _They had him take her. Take her for what?_

He grimaced, "You were part of the tests. Why?"

She confirmed his train of thought. "Yes, there are other way to manipulate cells- well enhanced stem cells."

"What the **_hell_** are stem cells?"

She laughed bitterly, "There was no magical weapon to rebuild you. To test on." He flinched, as he watched her hand move. He searched his thoughts for such a weapon, but the soldier stopped him, _observing her caressing her lower stomach fondly_. "The public believes they are on the precipice of new discovery, curing diseases with bone marrow in the 60's. Public stem cell research in the 80's. Hydra has long mastered what they seek. It's for more than just that."

"Why should I care what HYDRA has accomplished?"

She snarled, her face twisted with righteous anger. "Yes, why should you care? You think you were the only one to suffer? Crushed bodies? Spirit stomped out?" She shifted herself, using the crumpled wall behind her as leverage to stand. She wanted to stare at him, let him see the destruction, the lingering guilt of his trespasses upon her. "I've had to bear witness, and carry this guilt all this time alone."

Guilt? What guilt? He had done such horrifying things in his lifetime…he should be the one to feel guilty. He had done so much to so many, he would carry the guilt for the rest of his lifetime.

"Они умерли для вас." His eyes snapped to hers.

There was a deadness in her golden eyes, and a darkness in her tone. Who died for him? What did she know that he didn't. "I've watched four of our children die," her lip curled, "so you-HYDRA's greatest asset could live another day."

"Kids? Our...mine?" He was speechless. How did any of that make sense?

 _Glorified brood mare._ The soldier's thoughts startled Bucky.

The realization hit him like an armored shell, over and over, again.

 _They bred her…she was the mother of his children. Children…_ he choked down a sob, _children who died to_ – he stared at his cybernetic enhancement – _to keep a monster alive._ _How many lives had these hands destroyed so irrevocably?_

He was clouted with red in his vision, _his judgment_. Until he was leaning against the wall moaning. His throbbing head was clutched between his hands, as if he was trying to block out the noise. But the truth had been spoken. He was drowning in it, trying to shallow down the despair clawing down his throat.

 _Why would god allow this?_ He glanced at her again, her eyes refusing to meet his own. Her beautiful features twisted, and warped by devastation and parallel anger.

 _It was simple really,_ _ **God didn't exist.**_


	5. Part V

He was leaning against a chair in her destroyed living room. His arms crossed his chest, both hands tucked under the other. He had to prevent himself from lashing out. Guilt crept across his spine, he hadn't…he didn't mean to lose control.

That couldn't be true.

She on the other hand grew bitterer and cold, the longer she thought about her children. Only allowed long enough to carry until they had a sack of cells to harvest from her. Her children to them were nothing but a means to an end. She eyed the Winter Soldier, he understood nothing of her sacrifice. NOTHING.

She blinked away her tears, yes, _their_ children died.

But not all _her_ children, she had been allowed to carry **_one_** to term. Her only living child had been fathered by another in HYDRA. _Werner_ , her heart whispered, _Werner von Strucker._ She constantly wondered about her son. Was he happy? Did he know who she was? Did he think of her? Now thinking about it, he must be close to her in physical age, she had been frozen for more years than not. A tear slipped from her eye. She had missed everything.

She felt the coolness of his implant, the gears actuating as it brought her to his chest. She allowed the reprieve he offered her. She allowed his lips to meet hers.

Soft and plump as he remembered. _She tasted like wild berries._ A fervor of caressing hands, twisting, scraping against their heads, their necks, their chests.

A slight tug of her locks, pulling her back vulnerably, caused an ebb of panic and lust crossed her mind. _The sound of snickering and locked doors. The muscle memory of bruised lips and languished, throaty moans._

"Stop." She worked her hand free, and pushed fleetingly against his chest. "Please stop." She begged between the smacking of his lips and heated breaths. But he didn't want to. He wanted to stay lost in her taste, her warmth, her everything, to be enveloped with familiar comfort. "Soldier please."

 ** _COMPLY_** _,_ the soldier demanded. She stumbled uneasily with how quickly he had pulled away.

A hunger rose and diminished in the time she pushed away from him. She was panting, her honey eyes aroused and fearful. He growled at the lost.

"That was so inappropriate." She whispered, touching her lipstick smeared lips. She saw straight at him, her heart pounding in place. A conflict was brewing in the coldness of his eyes.

The Winter Soldier, _Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes_ was the father of her unborn children. A secret weapon HYDRA had kept under lock and key for decades. An unwilling participant in all of this, just a man underneath the guise of an assassin. A man... who frightened her, but... she longed for.

She made her decision.

Slowly she pulled down the zipper of her dress. The gesture produced an immediate reaction, his body stiffened in hopeful anticipation.

He wanted to-he needed-

This time, he wouldn't take her, -witnessing her disrobe in front of him - no, she was inviting him. The neatness of her nude slip, hinting at an innocence he knew for certainty was no longer there. While the nervous biting of her lip teased his inner desire, he wouldn't do this under the ruse of false confidence or hesitancy.

But the gentle sway of her hips, and his hand being guided lower and lower, he couldn't help but groan in desperate satisfaction.

A night filled with the wandering limbs and tangled sheets.

* * *

He didn't sleep, the soldier wouldn't let him. He had to determine his next move. This woman, dark tresses, golden eyes, and all, was a loose end. _HYDRA loose ends were cut._

 **NO.**

She was a thread that would continue dangling in anonymity as she had before. But he needed to know what to do with her, although she posed no immediate threat, her knowledge was a liability.

 _Take her._

 **NO.**

He wouldn't become her captor.

She slept curled in his arms, trusting him to protect her. She felt safe in the arms of a monster. He stared down at the unconscious woman, trying to sear her and this moment into his memory addled mind. He sighed, taking in her sleepy smile one more time. He knew what he had to do.

* * *

The next morning, in her disappointment, she spied a letter on her nightstand.

 _I'll be there when you need me. – Bucky Barnes._

He decided he would protect her, forever and always until he no longer could.


End file.
